Graphic Courtesy of Angel Heart

I Am A Survivor

   I am a survivor, I have lived the nightmare. There are those who know of what happened, but to come out so publicly to so many is a really big step. It is not the easiest thing to do, but far easier than doing nothing. But you know, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to do this. Too many children will never have this chance.
   I would hope that there will not be those who will become angry that I am speaking out. To you I say, ....I'm sorry you feel that way. It is so sad that it is more important to hide the skeletons, than it is to speak out against the atrocities of abuse, and to speak up on behalf of children who live in terror. The only one helped by silence, is the abuser.
   My story is much like far too many others. I grew up with an abusive mother, who reigned by intimidation and control. From an early age I was taught that I was no good and would never be any good. I was taught that all that was wrong in the world was my fault, because I was bad. When it stormed it was my fault because I was bad. If someone died in an auto accident, that too was my fault because I was bad. Countless times I was told that she didn't ask for me to be born, and her life was ruined because of children.
   Giving was not something she did unless there were strings attached. Nothing was free. It was always "I did this" so "you owe me." I cannot comprehend such selfishness.
   From the earliest of memory, I lived in fear. I was not alone. Many were victimized by her in one way or another. She liked to toy with the mind, and cruelty had no limits. I had a puppy once that I so dearly loved. She always felt threatened by attention to anyone or anything else. I came home from school one day to find my puppy missing. When I asked her where my puppy was, she told me that my father had shot it. The grief was nearly unbearable, and once more something I loved was destroyed.
   I ran to my room and lay crying endless tears, wishing that I could go away too. After a while I felt something nudging my cheek, and it was my puppy! It was then that the cackling laughter began, and I looked up to see her standing there laughing. She said, "I sure fooled you didn't I?" Yes indeed she did, and at the same time inflicted one more scar that never quite heals.
   There are far too many incidents to tell about, too many nightmares, from being locked in a cellar, to being forced to sit beside a rotting sheep carcass for hours in the burning summer sun. Mental abuse was high on her list, but she didn't stop there. She was good not to leave physical marks, but hair pulling, slapping, and yet another kind of physical abuse was inflicted. I don't often hear of mother/daughter sexual abuse, but it does happen, and that was yet another humiliation in my life.
   Often it is asked why children don't tell? One word: .....fear. At the time I was terrified to tell anyone, and I mean anyone. First I was terrified of the retribution it would bring, and second, was the fear that everyone would blame me. You see, this is all part of the abuse. The child is taught that it is our fault these things happen. Dear children, it is NOT your fault.
   As I grew older, the sexual abuse finally stopped. But the mental cruelty continued. As a young teenager I reached a point of such hopelessness, that I thought the only answer was to end my life. I could see no hope of any future, no change, no life but that of misery and abuse. How wrong I was!
   I am here for a reason, and here I remain. Please, if you have reached that point of hopelessness, don't give up! Don't ever give up! Even though it is so hard to see, .....there is hope! It doesn't have to be like this, and it can change, and life can be good.
   Thanks to the positive people in my life I did survive. And today I have a husband and two children that I adore. Our children are here because we wanted them, and they are loved. We give because we want to, and expect nothing in return. Giving is part of the joy of being a parent. And our love we give freely and willingly. One thing I learned from my experiences, was what kind of mother I did not want to be. God helped me to be a better one, and it is by his hand that I am still here to celebrate the good things in life, and how life can be. It doesn't have to be the other way.
   I never heard the words "I'm sorry," or "I was wrong." Please parents, do not ever cheat yourself or your child by not saying these words. And you can never tell your children too many times that you love them. But most important of all,......show them! Words can be hollow and meaningless if the actions don't support them.
   My mother died some years ago. I had to come to a point of forgiveness prior to her death. It doesn't change what happened, once history is written there is no going back to change it. But, I was able to find some peace that hadn't been there before. The old scars remain, as they always will, but I have found much goodness in life, and much to celebrate.
   If you are a victim of abuse, please don't give up, and please, please let someone know. A counselor, clergyman, teacher, the police, .....someone. If you are aware of a child that is being abused, then report it! Don't sit back and let the reign of terror continue. Tomorrow may be too late. Break the cycle of abuse now! Join in a united effort to save our children! Please, before it's too late.
   Children shouldn't be brought into the world and made to suffer. They should be loved, cherished, and protected.

Day Of The Child

   Day of the Child is a one-day, global, media event, held on December 1st, to bring awareness to the issue of child abuse. Everyone can make a difference to a child in some way. Please help save our children now. Promote healing for victims and survivors of abuse. Join with others to stand united in the fight to end the reign of terror for the children.
    Add you name to The Wall. and show your support. The children need you.

FREE HUG

Click above link to get your free hug, then hit your browser's "Back" button to return to this page.

Below you will find links to more sources that can help.

Random Acts Of Kindness

Internet Force Against Child Abuse

Children's Rights Of America

End Child Abuse

Child Help USA

National Center For Missing And Exploited Children

Shepard's Gate

Angel House Shelter Foundation

Abuse Of A Child

My Child: Innocence

[ Previous 5 Sites | Skip Previous | Previous | Next ] This RingSurf GOF Cause Ring Net Ring owned by Jus Kuntree. [ Skip Next | Next 5 Sites | Random Site | List Sites ]

      

      

      

Midi "My Prayer" is used with permission © 2001 Bruce DeBoer

Visitors Since October 10, 2001