- ADMINISPHERE
- The rarefied
organizational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the
adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate
or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve.
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- ADMINISTRIVIA
- All manner of company
notices, forms, questionnaires, etc., required by
some regulation or policy but otherwise
meaningless. Especially prominent as part
of ISO 9000 quality procedures.
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- ALPHA GEEK
- The most knowledgeable,
technically proficient person in an office or
work group.
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- ASSMOSIS
- The process by which
some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than
working hard.
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- BLAMESTORMING
- Sitting around in a
group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.
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- CHAINSAW CONSULTANT
- An outside expert
brought in to reduce the employee headcount,
leaving the top brass with clean hands.
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- CHIPS & SALSA
- Chips = hardware,
Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta
figure out if the problem's in your chips or your
salsa."
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- CLM
- Career Limiting Move -
Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised
activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is
within earshot is a serious CLM.
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- CUBE FARM
- An office filled with
cubicles.
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- DECRUITMENT
- The modern practice of
laying off people at the end of a project or
because of a budget change. Also known as being
"RIF'd", for "Reduction in Force".
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- DILBERTED
- To be exploited and
oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic
strip character. "I've been dilberted again.
The old man revised the specs for the fourth time
this week."
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- FLIGHT RISK
- Used to describe
employees who are suspected of planning to leave
a company or department soon. Also, anyone
with skills which are in high demand.
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- GENERICA
- Features of the
American landscape that are exactly the same no
matter where one is, such as fast food joints,
strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in
"We were so lost in generica that I forgot
what city we were in."
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- GOING POSTAL
- Euphemism for being
totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes
reference to the unfortunate track record of
postal employees who have snapped and gone on
shooting rampages.
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- GOOD JOB
- A "Get-Out-Of-Debt"
Job. A well-paying job people take in order to
pay off their debts, one that they will quit as
soon as they are solvent again.
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- IDEA HAMSTERS
- People who always seem
to have their idea generators running.
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- IRRITAINMENT
- Entertainment and
media spectacles that are annoying but you find
yourself unable to stop watching them. The
O.J. Simpson trials were a prime example; Bill
Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony was
another.
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- MOUSE POTATO
- The on-line, wired
generation's answer to the couch potato.
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- MUSHROOM THEORY
- The management style
characterized as "keep them in the dark and
occasionally throw shit on them." (see also:
SEAGULL MANAGER)
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- OHNOSECOND
- That minuscule
fraction of time in which you realize that you've
just made a BIG mistake.
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- PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
- The fine art of
whacking the heck out of an electronic device to
get it to work again.
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- PRAIRIE DOGGING
- When someone yells or
drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see what's going
on
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- SALMON DAY
- The experience of
spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to
get screwed and die in the end.
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- SEAGULL MANAGER
- A manager who flies in,
makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, then
leaves.
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- SITCOMs
- (Single Income, Two
Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppie
couples turn into when they have children and one
of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
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- SQUIRT THE BIRD
- To transmit a signal
to a satellite.
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- STARTER MARRIAGE
- A short-lived first
marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no
alimony, and no regrets.
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- STRESS PUPPY
- A person who seems to
thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
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- SWIPED OUT
- An ATM or credit card
that has been rendered useless because the
magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
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- THREE-FINGER SALUTE
- The process of
resetting or restarting a PC with the Control-Alt-Delete
key combination, a salute to Microsoft. (see also:
VULCAN NERVE PINCH)
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- TOURISTS
- People who take
training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. "We had three serious students
in the class; the rest were just tourists."
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- TREEWARE
- Hacker slang for paper
documentation or other printed material.
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- UMFRIEND
- A sexual relation of
dubious standing or a concealed intimate
relationship, as in "This is Dyan, my ... um
... friend."
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- UNINSTALLED
- Euphemism for being
fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice
president at a downsizing computer firm: "You
have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice
President. Please dial our main number and ask
the operator for assistance." (see also:
DECRUITMENT)
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- VULCAN NERVE PINCH
- The taxing hand
position required to reach all the appropriate
keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm
reboot for a Mac II computer involves
simultaneously pressing the Control key, the
Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.
(see also: THREE-FINGER SALUTE)
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- XEROX SUBSIDY
- Euphemism for swiping
free photocopies from one's workplace.
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- YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS
- The ubiquitous $20
bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used
when trying to split the bill after a meal,
"We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are
yuppie food stamps."
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- 404
- Someone who's clueless.
From the World Wide Web error message "404
Not Found," meaning that the requested
document could not be located. "Don't bother
asking him . . . he's 404, man."
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