(The Darwin Award, for
those not familiar, is for those individuals who
contribute greatly to the survival of the fittest --
by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before
they have a chance to breed...)
- A young Canadian man,
searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply
because he had no money to buy alcohol, mixed
gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this
concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion
and fire burned his house down, killing both him
and his sister.
- A 34 yr. old white
male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, police said. He was approximately
6' 2" and 225 lbs. He was wearing a pleated
skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes,
and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying
to create a school-girl's uniform look. He was
also wearing a military gas mask that had the
filter canister removed and a rubber hose
attached in its place. The other end of the hose
was connected to a hollow wooden section of
bedpost approximately 12 inches long and 3 inches
in diameter. This bedpost was inserted into his
rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause
of his suffocation. Police found the task of
explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family members "very awkward".
- Three Brazilian men
were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears they
decided to "moon" the occupants of the
other plane, but lost control of the plane and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
with their pants around their ankles.
- A police officer in
Ohio responded to a call that was made to 911.
She had no details before arriving except that
someone was reporting that his father was not
breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the
man face down on the couch, naked. When she
rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start
CPR if necessary, she noticed burn marks around
his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
removed the man (who turned out to be dead on
arrival at hospital), the police made a closer
inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
had made a hole between the cushions. Upon
flipping the couch over, they discovered what
caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit
of putting his penis between the cushions, down
into the hole and between two electric sanders (with
the sandpaper removed for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm, the...
ahem ... discharge shorted out one of the
sanders, electrocuting him to death.
- Los Angeles,
California - Police officials would not release
the name of a Pacoima man who was found dead
yesterday after responding to complaints from
neighbors that a bad smell was coming from his
apartment. Upon entering the apartment, officers
were surprised to see that every square inch of
the apartment, including appliances and even the
inside of the toilet, was covered with
pornographic images cut from magazines. "The
visual effect was very unsettling," said
Officer Hradj of the Pacoima Police. "Because
everything looked the same, you could not tell
where one wall ended and a doorway began."
The surprises did not end there, however. Police
described the man as having "concocted a
wire frame around his head", upon which he
had taped various pornographic images, apparently
so he could freely move about his apartment
without ever losing his close-up view of nude
bodies. Small slits had been cut into the paper
so he could find his way, but according to Hradj,
"He had almost no peripheral vision. He
could barely see a thing." The man was found
nude with this wire frame entangled in a hanging
lamp. "We think he had been dusting,"
said another police officer, "because a
feather duster was lying nearby, and his head
gear had somehow become caught in the lamp, which
was chained to the ceiling."
The man allegedly choked to death trying to
extricate himself from his predicament. According
to his apartment manager, the white male in his
mid-30's never left his apartment, and had food
delivered weekly. Funeral services are planned
for next week. His next of kin requested that his
name be withheld.
- A 27 year-old French
woman lost control of her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously
injuring her passenger and killing her. As a
commonplace road accident, this would not have
qualified for a Darwin nomination were it not for
the fact that the driver's attention had been
distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had
started urgently beeping for food as she drove
along. In attempting to press the correct buttons
to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her
own.
- A 22-year-old Reston [VA]
man was found dead yesterday after he tried to
use occy straps (the stretchy little ropes with
hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot
railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County
police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped
an end around one foot, anchored the other end to
the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped ...and
hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police
spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The
length of the cord that he had assembled was
greater than the distance between the trestle and
the ground", Carmichael said. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.
- A man in Alabama died
from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but
there's a twist here that makes him a candidate.
It seems he and a friend were playing catch with
a rattlesnake. You can guess what happened from
there. The friend (a future Darwin Award
candidate) was hospitalized.
- Several years ago, in
a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized
warehouse noticed the smell of a gas leak.
Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition -
lights, power, etc. After the building had been
evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they
found they had difficulty navigating in the dark.
To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the vision of one of
the technicians reaching into his pocket, and
retrieving an object that resembled a lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the
gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of
it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of
the technicians, but the lighter was virtually
untouched by the explosion. The technician that
was suspected of causing the explosion had never
been thought of as "bright" by his
peers.
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